It Is Not Reality that Rules Us, But Illusions

so im at the barn with heavy eyes because im insane and go out in between 12 hour days. no good, but i think some fun is definitely in order with all the hard work taking place. the clients that im taking care of recent have just been in worse and worse shape. hyperverbal, hypersexual, hypermanic. its a good drain on my emotions and physical health, but im becoming more and more easy going in my personal life because its just so much easier for me to communicate with someone without a psychiatic disability.

i got the piercing i always wanted the other day. the pain wasnt as bad as i expected, but i dont think i want to do it again. trying it out was fun. haha. btw, spending time with someone i care about and respect who truly appreciates the essence of who i am has been so nice. the sweetest genuine compliments from this person is so special because i know what he is saying has no attached motive. im just full of contentment rather than an axious girl about a new budding prospect.

im going to the bay area tonight after my AOD Coalition mtg to visit my grandfather before he goes on a trip to Russia. i'll be back friday morning for another meeting i have. i wanna take maegan out to breakfast cuz i cant go to her birthday celebration. saaaad...

i hope all is well!!! dont be a stranger and call me to say "HELLO!" let me know youre not dead. =)

so much has changed since my last entry. reading it all over again just makes you realize that new romances are really overly romanticized. call it getting older or just plain jaded, but i have been taking things with a grain of salt lately. its interesting how things work themselves out. ive found someone potentially important in the scheme of things and im not to sure how im going to respond to it. with all parties considered, everyone deserves respect and dignity which ultimately makes me take this chain of events very seriously. im not going to fuck around this time. its not like with zack where im going to do what i want cuz i have no interest in keeping him around because he doesnt really offer me any piece of mind. this is for real, and im kinda scared out of my mind. this is prolly the real starting point since my relationship with jack. i cant believe its already been a year and my heart is just now starting to reopen for another long haul. weird....but refreshing to find someone on my level. here i go again romanticizing.

working 50-60 hours a week will let you know what your boundaries are. i had to take the past two days off because of an incident at work dealing with a depressive/opiate addicted epileptic. that in addition to people actively trying to evade your support in order to end it all (ie running out the door, down the street looking for cars to hit them) is a bit unearthing. definitely doesnt make me take things for granted.

we have so much to live for.

btw, my userpic is hilarious...

FlashFrydMnky02 (8:15:43 PM): you know that i really like you right?
Bacon Bitz 2004 (8:15:55 PM): what do you mean?
FlashFrydMnky02 (8:16:50 PM): well that i like you and that i like what we have going on
Bacon Bitz 2004 (8:18:41 PM): oh
Bacon Bitz 2004 (8:18:52 PM): i didnt know, but im pretty content as well
Bacon Bitz 2004 (8:19:13 PM): what brought that on?
FlashFrydMnky02 (8:19:17 PM): sry that was kinda random
Bacon Bitz 2004 (8:19:34 PM): its all good, it was nice
FlashFrydMnky02 (8:20:17 PM): well i know i give you shit and come off as an ass alot but i really do like you im just not good at showing or saying it


im feeling really good about this. i didnt really know where i stood until this point. i guess its going well. so, he wants to take me somewhere that requires a 45 minute drive. he wont tell me where, but he says its worth it. its really cute and im liking the "being treated like a lady" thing. he never lets me pay, he has a job, hes in college, isnt a musician, and doesnt hate everything and everyone. so basically the opposite of jack? yeah, pretty refreshing and stress-free.

spring break starts at 10am tomorrow. holy shit, thats a relief...

so im on antibiotics for a nasal infection. the good news is im feeling 10 times better and i actually feel better enough to go to rugby practice again. yay!!! so hopefully i wont die since im not as in conditioned shape from my sick couch potato state.

honesty. its a good thing. so when you discuss who you are as a person, it allows others to really understand where you are coming from. so this guy: tells me he's very shy and introverted. this explains why when alcohol is involved, gave me the impression that he was outgoing. me: very outgoing, loud and open. this explains my behavior in all situations. soooooo, i think in conclusion, our conversation last night was productive. im getting to know more and it triggers my intrigue even more. who is this person? what/why is this person? slowly im gathering bits and pieces. and the more find out, the more i enjoy that hes like the exact opposite of jack (except the glasses part). this gives me a sense of relief that im not a tool magnet. life is slowly, but surely getting back on the "happy track."

sooo dinner went well. feeling a bit twiterpated, but im not sure. i am still wanting to find out who this mystery person is. so different in two different social situations. with his friends hes all talking and in casual clothes, when he comes over hes in nice clothes and is all quiet. i dont get it. so i do my best to play it cool and try to bring him out of his shell. i guess some guys need a little ass kicking for them to like you or something. geeezz....

ok, i take back what i said. so hes coming over for dinner on monday. woot. im thinking enchiladas with a apple walnut salad...mmm...

when i finally meet someone cool and im like "yay! a new friend!" of course they go out of town for an indefinite amount of time. just my luck...damn.

oh well, i am going to continue to play the game and try not to be the crazy woman that i know just wants to ruin everything. he said that when he gets back and has time that i would be the first one to know. i told him, "well, i aint no VIP, but i appreciate it." it is just refreshing to get to know someone new that is in no way in your own social network. brings variety for sure.

so i am still really sick and it sucks balls big time. my head hurts, my chest feels like its burning inside out, and my throat feels constricted. im not going to be able to play in the Cal game which makes me sad cuz i really want the playing time. not to mention that this sickness is affecting my school work. geez, im going to die...

so i just got back from the rugby social and im pretty tipsy right now.

gonna take a shower, then im going to get ready for the night time social and get this, its asian themed....jealous? i say you are!

my date was a complete success! i definitely wish to laugh my ass off with him again. pretty much for hours we sat in front of Pluto's raggin on children and stupid people. he invited me over to a party he's having at his place on sunday. should be hilariously fun. :D

today was a good day...

so going to the AGR winter formal: overall, i'd have to declare a complete success!

there was no sex with bubba, some dodges from random kisses, but i managed to set the record straight even if it did involve both of us intoxicated, the line was clearly drawn. got to drink and gamble in the silver legacy without getting carded once. clearly, i either am one hot piece of woman ass that looks older than 21 or their security needs some improvements. open bar from 6-8 was really nice and i got to try basically every cocktail i ever thought of trying. :D i got sick the day that we were suppose to leave for Reno, but i took large amts of dayquil and managed to still have an excellent time. alex was a retard and told megan that he could never see them being in an actual relationship, which led her into a spin this week. what a douche alex is! eh, oh well, thats the name of the game.

today was really nice. i slept in the quad on the most beautiful day in a long time. i knocked out! the hippies were out banging on bongos and throwing the frisbee around. :D i felt well enough to go workout today and managed to run 2 miles in 20 minutes, so im on the right track to get back on track.

got a date tomorrow :D wish me luck!

got a rugby game on saturday against chico. wish me luck and hopefully i wont get a HUGE bruise like the last couple of games.

tonight: Jurassic Park playing at the movie theater. cant wait to scream "SHOOT HER!!!" :D life is gettin' better again.

im sooooo fucking tired. i went to bed at like 3 last night and then woke up at 6 to write a paper. i just got home and im a sweaty smelly mess and i probably wont go to bed for a while...damn...sooooo tired...

but! ppl need to stop saying that they cant wait till i sleep with bubba. im sorry to disappoint you all, but its not going to happen. contrary to what you think im capable of, this is certainly not one of those times. i realize he wants my nuts and im going to his winter formal, but in no way does that mean that im going to seal the deal.

ha! im going to the AGR's Winter Formal with Bubba. HILARIOUS!!!! megan is sooo happy to not be alone gettin' drunk in Reno.

i love sleeping on campus!! nice fire, plenty of quiet and compfy chairs...awww.....

...but now its off to class!

btw, attractive guys who try to flirt with you in hopes of selling you a bunch of magazines so they can get money or a trip to europe can just go to hell. a bunch of fucking douchewads...

wow, im feeling so incredibly tired today. soooo sleepy! i even dozed off during something i was really interested in learning. fucking crazy. i think the sleep debt has caught up with me, which is unfortunate. i saw Children of Men last night with some of the rugby girls. I was very impressed by how real they portrayed it, although the ending just killed it. I'm glad I took advantage of $4 Tuesdays for sure! Clive Owen is soooo delicious. MMmmmm...

Got an internship meeting at 6 and then I'm off with a fellow intern to a sex-themed party so that should be interesting. im going in the clothes I'm wearing now, so I hope they appreciate that I look kinda like a slob. the boy situation isnt looking like its going to get any better which translates to the perpetual celibate state im currently suffering from...i mean geez, it takes up the least amount of time, but certainly causes the most trouble.

ok ok ok, I'll just take a nap and get over myself.

flaky people are the worst!!! gahhhhhhhhhh!

so today was a really great day.

the b-side crew dommed on some high schoolers. i even got special recognition for my performance from our captain and the couch for the high school team, who is also a part of the UCD rugby team. soo im not as worthless as i thought i was.

im lovin the rush of the game and im ready to go get trashed. muahahaha! rookie riot tonight. gonna get hazed to shit. should be fun and im sure i wont die, so dont worry. :D

my body is badly broken right now. i have the HUGEST/BADDEST bruise i have ever had in my entire life! i cant even touch it without it hurting. my body just wants to rest; however, im going to continue pushing it to keep up with conditioning.

life is great, but it hurts....

why the fuck did i date jack?

jesus christ, i sound like everyone i have ever known. nice to know ive finally conformed.


yesterday and today was a good day. i have work today. ha. i start at 9am, and im wasting my sleep on livejournal. life is grand.